Genesis Begins Again

“Trust me, ain’t no boys checkin’ for her with that never-seen-a-comb hair, ’cause where I’m from, if your hair’s not straight, bobbed, pixied, or even braided, then you can forget it. It’s a waste to be a Lite-Brite with a nappy hairstyle like dreadlocks.” 

Genesis initially forms an opinion about Nia based purely on Nia’s hairstyle. In the novel, hair is a symbol of cultural standards of beauty and status, and just as Genesis judges her own hair as a reflection of her character, she also judges others in the same way. Her first impression of Nia reflects her internalized beliefs about beauty at the beginning of the novel before she begins to see herself and others for who they are and not how they look.

“And apparently no one told Mrs. Hill that we don’t talk about slavery anymore, because she goes on like she’s proud to know her ancestors were picking cotton.” 

Genesis’s initial reaction to Mrs. Hill’s story about “Follow the Drinking Gourd” reflects Genesis’s struggle with her identity as a young Black woman. Throughout the novel, Genesis desperately tries to distance herself from her identity as a dark-skinned Black girl when she uses the bleaching cream to lighten her skin and lets Yvette put a relaxer in her hair. Her lack of pride in her identity perhaps lends to her lack of understanding about why Mrs. Hill would be proud to talk about her ancestors who escaped slavery.

“To be real with you, one of Dad’s winks is worth putting up with him calling me Chubby Cheeks.” 

Throughout much of the novel, Genesis’s feelings of self-worth are tied directly to how her father views her and treats her. She hates his nickname for her, “Chubby Cheeks,” but one simple wink from him fills her with a rush of validation and makes her temporarily forget his cruelty. This quote ties to one of the novel’s major themes of bullying. Just as her old classmates bullied her, so too does her dad. She is unable to accept herself until her bullies accept her, so she seeks validation from her dad no matter how cruel he is to her.

“And it wasn’t all that boring, but my mom wasn’t making us read it for entertainment. Her thing was, she wanted us to know that no matter where we came from, we can still be great, you know?” 

Troy acts as a foil to Genesis in the novel; he is dark-skinned like her, but he has chosen to take pride in who he is, whereas Genesis tries desperately to alter who she is. Troy’s family provided him with the works of prominent Black scholars so that he could learn more about and take pride in his identity as a Black man, whereas Genesis’s family (her dad and Grandma in particular) have imbued her with a deep shame in her identity as a Black woman. Troy’s difference in upbringing highlights the novel’s theme of the harmful cycle of emotional trauma—his parents taught him that dark skin is something to be proud of, and Genesis’s parents and grandparents taught her the opposite due to the “family tradition” that has been passed on through the generations.

“For some reason, maybe ‘cause Troy’s so smart, I assumed they’d be sitting around the house reading stuff like Shakespeare.” 

Genesis’s assumption that being “smart” means reading Shakespeare suggests that she has never really been exposed to prominent Black authors and thinkers either at home or at school. This is one of a few moments where Genesis shows that she associates academic intelligence with white men. In fact, she assumes her tutor is going to be “some nerdy white kid,” and is surprised to see that it is Troy, a boy who is as dark-skinned as she is.

“Too late, too late, too late. His words have already shackled me.” 

The repetition of “too late” here emphasizes Genesis’s anxiety as she spirals through the traumatic memory of when her dad got drunk and verbally attacked her for not looking like Mama. The use of the words “shackled” imply that she can’t escape from this memory and that his words have had a lasting effect on her psyche and overall sense of well-being. Her inability to break free from this memory adds to the theme of how colorism can be learned and internalized and lead to harmful effects on one’s identity.

“Mrs. Hill regards me so attentively that I want to tell her secrets that I can’t tell anybody.” 

Mrs. Hill is the first person in Genesis’s life at Farmington Hills—and maybe even in her life in general—who makes her actually feel seen. Genesis has a hard time trusting others because of her past experiences with bullying from both her dad and her classmates, so the fact that she feels like she can confide in Mrs. Hill speaks volumes. Mrs. Hill encourages her and lifts her up, whereas other adult figures in her life (dad, Grandma) try to tear her down.

“Grandma knows that my hair’s never brought me any glory and maybe that’s why she doesn’t say it to me, and huh, come to think of it, maybe that’s why Mama works so hard to change it.”

Hair serves as a symbol of beauty and pride in the novel, especially for girls and women of color, hence why Grandma calls a woman’s hair her “crowning glory.” Genesis’s hair is a major source of insecurity for her because it isn’t long and straight like Mama’s. She thinks that Mama “works so hard to change it” because even though she denies it, Mama has internalized at least a little bit of Grandma’s standards of beauty, likely because of how controlling Grandma was over her hair when she was younger. This supports the novel’s theme of internalized colorism and how its effects span generations.

“But Grandma’s face says yes, consider. Consider that a brown paper bag was the determining factor to decide who to love, who to let into the family, who had the right color skin.” 

The brown paper bag ritual symbolizes generations of internalized colorism and lends to the novel’s theme of intergenerational trauma. Although Genesis’s dad never held a paper bag up to her face, his harsh comments about Genesis clearly show that he internalized when Grandma held the paper bag up to him. He was made to feel like he wasn’t good enough for Sharon, and so he passes along those fears that he isn’t good enough to Genesis through cruel comments. The paper bag tradition leads to generations of shame and self-hatred in the novel.

“I hate, hate, hate to admit that she might be right. Yet my mind is racing because…because I’m reminded of the times girls said, ‘I thought you were mean,’ just because I’m dark. Or when kids called me ghetto and dumb. I hear it all the time. And who’s to blame? Mama for loving dad? Dad for his strong genes?”

The repetition of “hate” here emphasizes Genesis’s rage and anxiety after hearing about Grandma’s “family tradition.” Her memory of kids calling her “ghetto,” “mean,” or “dumb” is perhaps Genesis’s first conscious awareness of how colorism is not exclusive to her grandma’s family, but also to the general African American community.

“The bristly wool scratches lines into my skin, feels like I’m being scraped with razor blades. But I still scrub. I scrub the blackest parts of me. I scrub the tenderest parts, and the invisible ones too.”

The use of the word “invisible” here emphasizes that Genesis’s scrubbing is not just a physical cleanse, but an emotional one as well. She must know deep down that she can’t literally scrub off the darkness of her skin because nothing that she has tried has worked so far, but the painful act of physically scrubbing her skin acts as a desperate emotional response to her own self-loathing. As she scrubs at her skin, she scrubs at the “tenderest parts, and the invisible ones too”: her vulnerability, grief, anger, and sorrow. It is extremely physically painful, but it is emotionally painful, too.

“Troy is looking at me, as if he earnestly cares, I want to be honest. But learning how people—not necessarily Troy—can be two-faced, smiling one minute and then talking about you behind your back the next, it’s just best not to fess up to anything that could be used against me later.” 

Genesis likes Troy when she first meets him, but she doesn’t fully come to trust him until later in the novel. Her response to Troy looking at her “as if he earnestly cares” is that it’s better to keep quiet because there is always the possibility that he could be dishonest. This fear suggests that Genesis has never had a true friend whom she can actually trust because she is so used to people hurting her, whether it’s her classmates, her dad, or her grandma.

“And I swear it’s as if mist swirls around the kitchen and I disappear and another Genesis emerges. This girl is full of unanswered questions and rage.” 

This is one of a few instances where Genesis’s response to her pain and trauma is to disassociate. Another example of this is when she allows herself to drift into an almost dream-like state when she is singing in chorus class and thinking back to the memory of her dad in the basement. In both of these examples, Genesis inadvertently disassociates to distance herself from her dad and the harmful effects of his drinking, which lends to a major theme in the novel of alcohol abuse.

“For years I’ve had this shirt, and now I gather the scraps and dump them in the bathroom trash can. No more pretending. No more swinging my hair and flicking my wrists. And no more imagining me singing alongside Dad.” 

Genesis’s shirt that she ties around her head served as a safety net for her even when she was younger because it allowed her to escape into a fantasy world where she was light skinned with long hair like Beyonce or Rihanna. Her cutting up her shirt shows seeds of growth, even if done in anger, as she decides then and there that she will no longer “pretend.”

“That made me happy because I didn’t mind having a chocolate baby. I didn’t want you to be picked on for being light like I was.” 

Because Genesis narrates the novel from her perspective, and she has always been bullied for being dark-skinned, it is surprising to hear that Mama was bullied for the opposite. She was often called “stuck up,” and names like “Lite Brite.” It is interesting that Genesis is shocked to hear this because earlier in the novel, she makes similar comments about Nia. This further emphasizes that generational beliefs and cultural norms can become embedded in one’s mind without even recognizing it.

“Yet, and yet, Mama’s always complaining about doing my hair, calling it ‘that head’ or ‘tangly mess.’ She believes it at least a little. It peeks out when she describes someone as dark complexioned and adds: ‘But he or she’s still good looking.’ Mama may not mean it; in fact, I know she doesn’t, but it’s there, under the surface.”

Mama’s comments do show an undercurrent of colorism, such as her use of the word “still,” as if people with dark skin are less likely to be beautiful or good looking. Genesis isn’t wrong when she says that Mama “believes it at least a little,” because discrimination of any kind often manifests in the form of microaggressions, or statements of actions that reflect subtle, indirect, and sometimes unintentional prejudice. This quote ties to the theme of the novel that colorism can be powerfully internalized, even without one’s knowledge.

“Everybody I know knows better than to put their hands in somebody else’s head—shoot, we learned that as kids.” 

Sophia’s request to touch Genesis’s hair emphasizes the cultural differences between the two of them. It reflects how, in the beginning of their friendship, neither of them can fully understand each other’s suffering. Sophia doesn’t exactly understand why Genesis hates her hair, and she doesn’t understand that it’s offensive to touch someone else’s hair in the Black community. Likewise, Genesis doesn’t understand when she first meets Sophia why people would make fun of her because she looked so normal to her. She doesn’t recognize that, unlike her, Sophia’s struggles are not about her physical appearance.

“With that hair, how does she possibly think that she can be anything other than neo-soul? What singer has locs, besides the reggae ones? Then I really stop short as something occurs to me—I sound judgy! Like, like—too much like Grandma’s stupid tradition! Nope I’m not going there. Nia can be who she wants.”

Genesis’s realization that she is stereotyping Nia because of her hairstyle is a sign of her progression from the beginning of the novel. She realizes that she doesn’t want to make another person feel the way she did when Grandma told her about their hurtful family tradition. This marks the beginning of Genesis growing to accept others, even when it goes against her internalized beliefs about beauty, which in turn is a small but powerful step toward Genesis accepting herself.

“There’s something else, too—wet strands stick to the sides of my face, just like white people’s hair does when they get out of water!” 

This is the first time perhaps ever in her life that Genesis loves her hair. She is thrilled that her hair sticks to her face “like white people’s hair,” emphasizing that Genesis believes the lighter you are, the more beautiful you are.

“But what you’re doing, that’s not a solution. You’re still gonna be Black. You’ll still be called names. And you’ll still have to be twice as good.” 

Troy’s response to Genesis shows that they are foils to one another. Troy knows that there is no “solution” to not being dark-skinned—it is who they are, and because of it, they have to “be twice as good” because the odds will always be stacked against them. Genesis prays that there is a practical solution, one she thinks she is starting to achieve with the bleaching cream.

“You were dope before the auditions. Before the fancy hair. Before all of it. Because you weren’t chasing the hype.” 

When Troy says, “chasing the hype,” he is referring to Genesis trying to embody the cultural standards of beauty. He thought she was “dope” before Yvette did her hair and before she started using the bleaching cream. Troy believes that beauty shouldn’t be determined by what everyone else thinks is beautiful, whereas Genesis doesn’t think there is anything beautiful about being dark-skinned. Troy is the first person to make Genesis second guess her decision to use the cream because his opinion is important to her; he truly sees her in a way that most people do not.

“And, aw man, when Mama looks at me, she probably only sees secrets, lying, and stealing—just like she does with Dad.” 

Genesis’s fear that Mama will look at her the same way she looks at her dad foreshadows the conversation that Genesis has with her dad after the talent show. His hope that Genesis won’t be anything like him, and Genesis’s belief that she is like him, finally open up the doors to communication. Both Genesis and her dad have messed up and have kept secrets, and both of them hate for Mama to look at them with disappointment. However, Genesis learns an important lesson about forgiveness from her musical icons: everyone is hurting, and sometimes we make mistakes.

“I recall every bad memory, every negative word, because when I sing, I’m gonna conjure the loneliness of Billie Holiday, the joy of Ella Fitzgerald, the soul and longing of Etta James. I’ll sing for every girl who feels like…feels like me.” 

At the climax of the novel, Genesis finally performs at the talent show. Her performance marks a pivotal step in Genesis’s journey to self-acceptance. Throughout the novel, Genesis often uses music to seek approval from her dad. She prays he will come to the talent show to see her perform so she can finally make him proud. When she is finally on stage, however, she sings for herself, and for every girl who has ever felt like her.