Sandwich

“If menopause were an actual substance, it would be spraying from my eyeballs, searing the word ugh across Nick’s cute face.”

The novel depicts the experience of women as they age and enter perimenopause through the way that Rocky navigates this time of change. The author self-consciously brings attention to a phase of life during which many women report feeling “invisible” and uses Rocky’s characterization to raise awareness about the experience of perimenopause and, for some readers, to establish relatability.

“Maya, like Jamie and Willa and young people everywhere, is a perfect human specimen.”

Sandwich is particularly attuned to intergenerational differences, and Rocky often ruminates on the contrast between her own youth and that of her children. During this scene, she remarks on the beauty of her son’s girlfriend and her comfort with her body. Rocky wishes that fashion had been freer when she was a young woman, and her easy acceptance of clothing that could be termed risqué helps build her characterization as someone who is open-minded and open to difference.

“‘How are you an adult?’ is the one question I do not ask. ‘Are all those little girls nested inside of you like Matryoshka dolls?’ is another.”

This quote helps build the novel’s thematic interest in Nostalgia and the Passage of Time. Rocky often ruminates on memories of her children. At the Cape Cod cottage she pictures her children as they were in one particular place throughout decades’ worth of vacations. Part of being an “empty nester” for Rocky is learning to let go of these past versions of her children and to relate to them as they are now, in early adulthood.

“It’s almost painful, the way little children just trustingly hold out their hearts for you to look at. The way they haven’t learned yet to conceal what matters to them.”

Rocky’s relationship to parenting is markedly affective, and she often notes how unemotional and aloof her husband Nick is by contrast. Her fierce emotional bond with her children is one of her key points of characterization, and this observation exemplifies the way she understands and relates to young kids.

“Despite the many cheerful photographs suggesting otherwise, I did not love lunch on the beach when the kids were little. They were so committed, it seemed, to getting sand in the cooler, sand in the chip bag, sand in the cherry bag, the cookies, the pretzels.”

Although nostalgia is a powerful force within the novel and Rocky is often lost in memories, the author is also committed to a realistic portrayal of family life. Rocky, Nick, and the children aren’t always happy, nor are their vacations without small irritations and even conflicts. Here, although Rocky enjoys a relaxing day on an idyllic beach, she admits to herself that parenting is a mixed bag.

“I really don’t care about my cellulite anymore.”

Rocky’s path through middle age and perimenopause is one of this novel’s most important themes. She often meditates on how it was only as her body began to age that she could accept it. Here, she recalls the many summers past when she fretted over her appearance at the beach and realizes that she’s no longer concerned with how others perceive her.

“I’m looking through the medicine cabinet for the poison ivy scrub. There’s the same bottle of Jean Naté after-bath splash that’s been here as long as we’ve been coming. The same crumpled metal tube of Bain de Soleil, SPF 0, oh, glorious orange gelée of my past!”

Each of the novel’s characters is, at one point or other, happy that so much about the cottage remains the same after all their years vacationing there, which thematically develops Nostalgia and the Passage of Time. Although they must navigate various changes, Rocky, Nick, and their grown children are pleased each time they encounter something unchanged, and the way that they cherish these memories unites them as a family.

“These older little children might complain all day about a quarter-mile bike ride you suggested, but they still go to bed early, clean and damp-haired in their striped pajamas.”

The theme of Shifting Family Dynamics comes into play in the novel as both parents and children age, and much of Rocky’s self-reflection focuses on her children at various stages of their lives. She fully admits to herself that parenting wasn’t always easy and recalls both moments of happiness and moments of stress from her children’s early years and adolescence.

“At some point during the grinding hours of labor that preceded Jamie’s birth, Nick quoted a line from Three Men and a Baby and I thought about my marriage to him: I have made a grave error. But then I woke in the night and saw him by the hospital window. Our swaddled baby was tucked into the crook of his elbow, and Nick was whispering to him about the moon and the stars.”

This passage helps build Nick’s characterization. Rocky often observes that although Nick is jovial and given to cracking “dad jokes,” he’s a serious and loving father. Their marriage isn’t perfect, and each can see the other’s faults, but they’re both also aware of their strengths as parents and partners.

“I’m so mad now I’m crying, and when Nick lays a hand on my thigh, I push it away. Even though I want him to comfort me.”

Rocky struggles with the emotional volatility of perimenopause. She’s aware that it heightens her emotional reactions and that the anger that rises in her over small misunderstandings and petty grievances is often unwarranted, but she can’t always stop the rising tide of rage. Because no one else in her family is a middle-aged woman, she endures this life change alone, navigating it as best she can.

“He’s just wrong. Nick says now. He’s imperfect. This is not new information. It’s okay. You still get to love him.”

In addition to navigating new phases of life with her children, Rocky also must learn to recalibrate her expectations for her aging parents. Here, she expresses frustration to Nick at learning that her father picked one of his grandchildren as his favorite, and Nick displays his characteristic patience and understanding. Rocky herself struggles to be patient and kind, and the contrast that Nick provides strengthens their relationship and helps her forgive and forget.

“This is how it is to love somebody. You tell them the truth. You lie a little. And sometimes you don’t say anything at all.”

Rocky is brutally honest about the realities of family life and romantic relationships. Here, she reflects on yet another memory of her children’s youth and thinks to herself that sometimes it’s okay to tell small untruths to preserve someone’s feelings. While it might seem like morally dubious territory, this behavior is a coping mechanism that has helped Rocky navigate various relationships over the years.

“You don’t all have to look away because I’m having a hot flash.”

Although perimenopause is a serious concern for Rocky, she often refers to it in conversation with her characteristic light-hearted jocularity. Joking is a shared coping mechanism in Rocky’s family, and each of the novel’s characters can be observed dealing with difficulty by making light of it.

“‘I’m pregnant,’ Maya says. ‘Oh honey,’ I say ‘Okay, tell me more. Or don’t. tell me whatever you want.’”

This exchange is one of the novel’s few dramatic moments. Maya reveals her pregnancy to Rocky, who suspected that her son’s girlfriend wasn’t queasy from food poisoning or illness. This scene, in addition to its role in plot development, helps develop Rocky’s characterization: She’s easy to approach and nonjudgmental. Although she and Maya don’t know each other well, Maya feels comfortable confiding in her about a weighty topic.

“Nick’s curiosity about feelings and the people who have them is fleeting at best.”

This passage contributes to Nick’s characterization. He’s affable and kind but doesn’t delve too deeply into the emotional states of his family members. Whereas Rocky is deeply invested in her children’s (and Nick’s) feelings, Nick remains somewhat apart from everyone.

“Sometimes I feel like in the Venn diagram of our relationship, our circles of experience don’t even overlap.”

Nick is understanding and loves Rocky deeply, but his emotional distance from his immediate family members also characterizes him. Here, Rocky reflects that they often have markedly different experiences of their relationship, and she wonders if disconnection is integral to marriage.

“You’re so damaged by age, but so beautiful too.”

Rocky is a complex character who reflects with nuance on the aging process. Although she finds perimenopause difficult and upsetting, she’s also better equipped in middle age to see the good in herself and less judgmental about her appearance than she was as a young woman.

“Good Morning! I say to my beautiful parents who are also, somehow, these stooped and white-haired old people.”

Rocky feels “sandwiched” between her parents’ and children’s generations, and part of the shifting family dynamics that she must navigate is helping her parents as they enter old age. She still sees them, at least in part, as they were when they were younger, and the difficulty she has accepting the reality of aging parents is a key part of her characterization.

“When I am jealous of my parents I think: It was easier then. My dad worked. My mom stayed home. There was absolute clarity.”

The novel is markedly interested in generational differences and the changing nature of family life as society itself changes and progresses. Rocky admires much about the younger generation, but she also admits to herself that strict gender roles removed some of the guesswork from parenting and family life. Although she would have preferred more equity in her marriage, she understands that ambiguity can be tricky to navigate.

“But grief is like a silver locket with two faces on it. I didn’t know what the faces looked like, but it was heavy around my neck and I never took it off.”

Rocky’s grief over her pregnancy loss is a key facet of her characterization. Although she doesn’t share these feelings with her family, they often consume her mental energy. She’s still mired in melancholy, even decades after the loss.

“This day contains multitudes. Maybe every day does.”

Newman’s work portrays emotional complexity and interest in the many faces of family life. Sandwich is alternately humorous and serious, light and melancholy. It examines both the good and the bad of parenting and being parented, and each of the days depicted in the novel contains, as this quote suggests, “multitudes.”

“We’re just ruined by sex. Women—our bodies, our psyches.”

This comment connects to the novel’s theme of Women’s Reproductive Health. Rocky ruminates on the ways that her body has impacted her life and often feels betrayed by her anatomy. She found her “childbearing years” difficult and often experienced gynecological infections, but perimenopause renders sex painful and unpleasant. She wishes, at several points in the novel, that sex, sexuality, and sexual health were easier to navigate.

“Someone has to be the person who drives everyone everywhere and gets dinner and isn’t swept away in everyone’s drama every second, Rock. That’s fair.”

Although Rocky finds Nick’s parenting style overly aloof and maddeningly unemotional, Nick argues that one of the parents must be emotionally reserved to keep things running smoothly in the family. Rocky reflects that Nick’s parenting style left her to perform the bulk of the emotional labor, and while she does find that dynamic unfair, she also understands Nick’s point and is willing to admit that his way of doing things was, at times, one of his strengths.