The Best at It

Chapters 1-7 take place before the novel’s eponymous quest for Rahul to become the “best” at something begins. These chapters rely on Rahul’s characterization to explore his internal conflict and the book’s main themes.

Rahul’s inner conflict concerns growing more comfortable with his identity, particularly his sexuality and heritage, while also unpacking his mental health. Rahul tries “not to stare” at Justin but can’t help noticing and admiring his features. His admiration of Justin is also fueled by the comments of people around him, highlighting the social aspect of pressure to fit in. For instance, Nandita Auntie tells Rahul, “You need to eat more! You’re so skinny!” (43). Rahul explains that these comments are cultural: “Indian aunties think it’s hilarious to tell you how skinny you are all the time” (43). This underscores the nuanced way that cultural expectations intersect with Rahul’s self-perception, highlighting the tension between well-meaning intentions and the emotional impact of unsolicited comments. Nandita Auntie loves Rahul, and her comments are well-intentioned, but they negatively affect his self-perception and mental health. They compel Rahul to stare at himself in the mirror, thinking, “I would kill to be Justin. Just for a day, even. I bet no one at his house ever says he’s too skinny. I mean, why would they? He’s not. He’s perfect” (50). This passage not only demonstrates Rahul’s feelings of inadequacy but also reveals how pervasive societal and cultural standards can infiltrate personal identity formation. Comments like Nandita Auntie’s fuel Rahul’s admiration of and desire to be Justin—feelings that confuse Rahul. They also lead Rahul into cycles of self-critique and stress, which negatively impact his mental health, ultimately leading him to believe that he must become the “best” at something in order to be valued. 

Though Rahul only finds out near the end of the book that stress can “trigger” increased OCD symptoms, he experiences them from the novel’s beginning. After critiquing himself in the mirror, Rahul becomes “paralyzed” in the hallway. He thinks, “[E]very fiber of my being suddenly feels like I need to check whether the door is locked” (51). Not only is Rahul unable to banish this pervasive thought—which is called an “obsession”—but he also cannot help “catastrophizing.” Catastrophizing is a thought pattern where someone “anticipate[s] the worst possible outcome of a situation,” and when someone with OCD catastrophizes, they feel “that if they do not perform their rituals or if they do not address their obsessions, a catastrophic event will occur” (“Thinking Patterns That Make OCD & Anxiety Worse.” Restoring Wellness Solutions, 16 Apr. 2024). When Rahul thinks about the unlocked door, he catastrophizes: “What if something bad happens? Not just to me, but to everyone in the house?” (51). He envisions and cannot banish thoughts about the worst possible scenario. He then thinks, “I need to go down. I have to check [the lock]” (51). He engages in a ritual, a compulsion, to dissuade the catastrophic thoughts. This interaction between Rahul’s mental health challenges and external stressors like bullying reflects how layered and multifaceted his struggles are, blending internal and external conflict to develop a rich portrait of his character.

For Rahul, these processes are often associated with stress. For instance, the first time he engages in his checking behaviors, he pictures Brent bullying him and begins to dread going to school. This feeling of “panic” causes him to lock the deadbolt and then “unlock it and lock it one more time” (16). While Nandita Auntie inadvertently causes Rahul this stress, Brent is a stereotypical bully and purposefully goads and harasses Rahul. He bullies Rahul’s race and ethnicity and his sexuality. When Brent hears Bollywood Supply playing, he says, “Bollywood? […] Is that like, ‘Yiyi-Yiyi-Yaya-Yaaaaaaah? Ee-Ee-Ee-Ee-YaYaYaaah?’” (11). He nonsensically and cruelly mimics his perception of the sonic quality of Bollywood music. This mocking not only underscores Brent’s ignorance but also highlights how cultural expression can be weaponized by bullies to marginalize those who are different. This tension demonstrates the difficulty of Figuring Out and Accepting One’s Identity, as even the act of simply beginning to uncover one’s identity often means first overcoming negative self-perception.

Brent consistently enacts microaggressions rooted in insults to Rahul’s identity, especially his sexuality and stereotypes related to his racial identity. For instance, Brent asks Rahul, “You gonna be a Mathlete? Aren’t, like, all your people good at math?” (27). The idea that people of Asian descent are good at math is a racial stereotype that contributes to the “model minority myth,” the idea that they are “hardworking, academically talented and professionally successful” (Shah, Niral. “Why Saying ‘Asians Are Good at Math’ Isn’t a Compliment—It’s Racism.” Ideas.TED.com, 29 Mar. 2021). This myth is perpetuated to “to pit Asian people against supposedly ‘nonmodel’ groups” (Shah). While it can cause stress in the lives of individuals like Rahul—who is good at math but doesn’t want to be perceived that way just because he is Indian—it also contributes to discrimination. Brent’s taunting reduces Rahul to a racial stereotype and dehumanizes him, reinforcing his feelings of isolation and difference. Stigmatizing, racist comments like the ones from Brent result in Rahul trying to distance himself from his heritage and, by extension, from himself and his family. This shows how Navigating Bullying and Mental Health as a Teen can be an obstacle to figuring out and accepting one’s identity. Rahul’s journey is shaped by his efforts to navigate these societal and internal challenges, making his eventual embrace of his identity more poignant and hard-won. Additionally, the narrative’s portrayal of Rahul’s struggles fosters empathy for those navigating intersecting challenges of identity, mental health, and cultural expectations.