The Collected Schizophrenias

Wang dabbles in mysticism and discusses some of her experiences with it. Twice in her life, she claims she has been able to see with her eyes closed, identifying colored pens to prove it. She enjoys using tarot cards and oracle cards, both of which offer insight into a person’s life through artistic symbols. When she consults a mystic regarding her seeing ability, the woman tells her to reflect on anything confusing in her life. Wang thinks of a girl grasping a book as she sinks to the bottom of the ocean, then rises up and out, only for the book to become a bird, ascend, and “explode into a white light that spreads over the entire sky, enveloping the universe” (189).

Wang describes the ways that schizophrenia and psychosis are often conflated or paired with psychic abilities, both by people with the disorders and those who theorize about them. She points out the uniqueness of schizophrenia as a mental disorder in that it does not require distress to exist, and this leads to various contemplations on its origins; specifically, the idea that schizophrenia is some sort of superpower comes from this distinction. This is further compounded by media, and Wang uses the example of a show called Legion, which features a man with schizophrenia whose mental disorder is a superpower.

Wang befriends people involved in the occult, including a woman who runs an online business that offers various services. This woman, named Briana, tells Wang that her feelings of being dead were due to her Lyme disease and that people with these abilities are “wide open” (193) to everything. Briana convinces Wang to buy her lesson plan called “Beyond the Hedge: Foundational Techniques for Embracing the Liminal” (194). The audiobook describes the openness of schizophrenia as going beyond the hedge into a realm that most people cannot access. The liminal space exists between the living world and this other realm, and examining the liminal is to “probe the notion of what is real versus imaginary, or even psychotic” (196). In Briana’s opinion, there is a difference between the irrationality presented in schizophrenia and experiences of the liminal, though they can be confused with one another. Wang met Briana in Santa Fe while there for her treatments, and afterward, Wang and her friend visited the Our Lady of Guadalupe shrine to pay respects to a friend who had died.

Wang notes that although she remains uncertain about spiritual beliefs, she finds great solace in rituals because they provide her with a sense of usefulness and grounding. She closes her essay by noting that at the time of writing her collection, she has not experienced any hallucinations or delusions in several years. When she feels psychosis start to develop, she ties a ribbon around her ankle in the hopes of remaining tethered to reality.