The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times

Obama reminisces about adjusting to life under lockdown during the early stages of the pandemic. She remembers feeling shocked and saddened at the stress and danger that many working people endured, especially healthcare workers. For Obama, the news about unemployment and death rates underscored the “acute unfairness of our world” (23) as the pandemic escalated. She admits that by losing her busy schedule and being forced to stay home, she felt out of control, and her anxiety increased. She considers her “obsessive” need for efficient progress and wonders whether it’s an innate aspect of her personality or something she learned from her industrious parents. As a successful student and, later, a lawyer, Obama always felt proud of “busyness” and the accomplishments it brought. As a result, she never had hobbies such as knitting, which she recently learned.

She reveals that her grandmother was a professional seamstress who provided for her family by mending clothes, yet her father never wanted her to learn how to sew, encouraging her to instead aspire to a life in which she could afford new clothes. Obama admits that staying busy brings benefits, and enabled her and her husband Barack Obama to meet their obligations as President and First Lady. However, she also acknowledges that she often felt overwhelmed and tended to repress complaints and unresolved hurts because she simply didn’t have time to “dwell on the negatives” (29). She compares being busy to wearing a “suit of armor” because it makes it difficult to fully register hurt and pain (29).

The author admits that Donald Trump’s election to the presidency was a great source of pain given that his success seemed to magnify and normalize hatred and discrimination, undermining Obama’s optimism about America’s future. The Trump presidency was “demoralizing” to her, prompting her to question whether America’s problems were too big to solve. When Democratic leaders asked her to deliver a speech, a somewhat depressed and cynical Obama was reluctant to agree. During this time, Obama learned how to knit and found solace in her meditative new hobby, which eased her anxiety and compulsive thinking. She focused on how people around the country were adapting and continuing to work toward social progress. Considering her own ancestors’ experiences, she felt compelled to “honor their struggle, their sacrifices” (35). Obama agreed to give the speech in which she criticized Trump’s approach to politics, encouraged US citizens to vote, and promoted empathy. She felt that giving the speech helped her “come out of a dark place” with the “volcanic clarity” (36) that comes from speaking authentically. Obama credits knitting with helping her overcome feelings of anxiety and inadequacy. She argues that small, inconsequential tasks such as knitting can help people get out of mental ruts and “go small” so that they can “think big” (37). She often pursues small projects when her challenges feel too big and overwhelming.

Obama explains that in 2021 she met adolescent students from Chicago while working for her nonprofit the Girls’ Opportunity Alliance. These students shared numerous personal challenges, such as losing family members to COVID, missing educational time because of the pandemic, and living with increased violence in their neighborhoods. Obama observed that the students would “seesaw” between having hope and confidence and feelings of sadness or despair. Obama acknowledges that many young people feel paralyzed by personal problems that occur against a backdrop of social issues such as climate change, poverty, and racism. Youth tend to be ambitious, idealistic, and impatient, and they want to enact substantial changes immediately. Obama tells her young readers that taking care of their mental health isn’t “defeat” but is a normal and essential part of life that keeps people from feeling burnt out and giving up. Obama points to research that found happier people are more likely to be socially and politically active than unhappy people, which supports her point that self-care and moderation make activism more sustainable. She urges the people to value smaller personal goals, such as completing school or saving money, as much as larger dreams. Obama argues that developing self-awareness and balance is essential for good health and productivity. When she feels imbalanced, Obama tries to relieve stress through walks, sleep, talking to friends, journaling, or helping someone else. These “small victories” or seemingly trivial tasks can help people boost their balance and get back on their feet.

Obama explores the role of fear plays in our lives and argues that becoming too fearful can inhibit us. She claims that no one can be “fearless” but that we can learn how to be “comfortably afraid” and rework our perspective on the possibility of loss or failure. Being comfortably afraid allows people to sensibly evaluate risk and not allow nervous feelings to dictate their decisions. Obama reflects on her childhood fear of a giant stuffed turtle at a concert, noting that while her fear was irrational, it was a normal human response to “disorder or differentness” (57). She recalls that although she had the option to not participate in the concert, she decided to face her fear and eventually realized that the stuffed turtle wasn’t threatening. In hindsight, Obama feels that her funny childhood memory was one of many times she had to consciously confront fearful feelings.

The author argues that while fear is an inherent and necessary part of life, it’s easy to “over accommodate” our fears and avoid new or different experiences (59). This avoidance makes us more sheltered and insular and can cost us personal and professional opportunities. Obama recalls the fear she felt at the prospect of her husband running for president. While saying no to the idea could have brought her relief, Obama realized that she was most frightened of the unpredictability and “newness” of the situation and that she had overcome this same type of fear before. By dissecting her fears, Obama felt that she could cope with any potential outcome to the situation and agreed to support her husband in his effort. She reflects on her grandfathers, who both endured difficult childhoods and racial discrimination that made them distrustful of the world. She feels that their fear and distrust limited them in their lives and notes that these perspectives can become entrenched in families across generations. Obama praises her parents for helping “break the cycle of fear” (65), which enabled her to keep an open mind and agree to new things, such as Barack Obama’s run for president. She calls her mother a “goddess of competence” (66) and observes that competence is the opposite of fearfulness. Obama reminisces about completing the short walk to school by herself as a kindergartener, and she credits her mom for helping her challenge herself and feel “comfortably afraid.”

This influenced Obama’s own parenting: She tries to help her daughters develop competence to confront their fears. Obama lauds artist Lin-Manuel Miranda’s approach to fear, in which he envisions nervous feelings as a sort of “rocket fuel” that support his performance. In concluding the chapter, she reiterates that “the unknown is where possibility glitters” (73) and emphasizes that coping with fear helps us grow and make the most of transformative opportunities. She urges people to try to dissect their “fearful mind” and understand its reactions to better confront its messaging.