56 pages • 1 hour read
Women Rowing North: Navigating Life's Currents and Flourishing As We Age
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Key Figures
Mary Pipher
Mary Pipher is a clinical psychologist and cultural anthropologist who specializes in developmental psychology, trauma, women, and the effects of culture on mental health. She worked as a therapist for 25 years. Pipher was 70 when she wrote Women Rowing North, allowing her to share her experiences transitioning into old age through stories in the book, including her experiences with her husband, family, friends, and grandchildren.
Pipher has taught the Psychology of Women and Sex Roles and Gender at the University of Nebraska. She has been a Rockefeller Scholar in Residence at Bellagio in 2001 and received two American Psychological Association Presidential Citations. She has worked with and researched mostly women.
Pipher has written 11 books, including the New York Times bestseller Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, published in 1994. In Reviving Ophelia, Pipher considers the lives and experiences of adolescent girls from a feminist perspective, in contrast to the focus on older women in Women Rowing North. A related book, Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders, addresses the social and emotional issues faced by older people in general, the relationship between older and younger generations, and how they can understand each other.
Pipher’s memoir, A Life in Light: Meditation on Impermanence, published in 2022, explores her life through some of the same themes as Women Rowing North, such as loneliness, resilience, growth, loss, death, and learning to appreciate beauty. Seeking Peace: Chronicles of the Worst Buddhist in the World also shares stories about her life.
Her other works range from psychology to cultural issues to writing for change. These include Letters to a Young Therapist, which shares her experiences as a therapist; The Green Boat: Reviving Ourselves in Our Capsized Culture, which addresses ways to cope with cultural issues like climate change; and Writing to Change the World, which describes how writing can generate change. She is also the author of The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding Our Families, The Middle of Everywhere: Helping Refugees Enter the American Community, and Hunger Pains: The Modern Woman’s Tragic Quest for Thinness.
Emma
Emma is one of four main women Pipher returns to throughout the book to demonstrate its themes. Emma is a 68-year-old woman who lives in Denver, Colorado, and has been married to Chris for 45 years. She retired from teaching second grade and has three children. She was raised to base her own happiness on her ability to make others happy, such as helping her daughter, Alice, with childcare and money, even though Alice didn’t appreciate her efforts. Emma felt lost about how to talk to Alice or listen to her own needs. Many of Emma’s friends have experienced health problems or moved away. Emma’s story is an example of a healthy long-term marriage, the poignancy older people feel when acknowledging the passage of time, women who sacrifice themselves for others, learning to listen to one’s inner voice and set boundaries, learning to appreciate one’s life as time passes quickly, relying on friends for help, feeling bliss, and learning self-care.
Kestrel
Kestrel is another of the four main women the book uses to demonstrate its themes. Kestrel is a woman in her sixties who had casual romantic relationships with women throughout her life, but none have been long-term. She lives alone in Seattle, Washington, and works at a technology company. She was raised by conservative working-class parents, and her father was abusive and had an alcohol addiction, leading to anger issues Kestrel experienced most of her life. She also developed an alcohol addiction but stopped drinking when she learned, at 64, that she was at risk of osteoporosis. When her mother was diagnosed with cancer, she took a leave of absence from work to care for her, which brought them closer together. She also learned to depend on a woman she had been dating, Becca, whom she had previously kept at a distance. When Kestrel finally learned to share her emotions with Becca, their relationship became a committed one. Kestrel’s story illustrates the book’s focus on aging bodies, being intentional about the people one spends time with, the difference between loneliness and solitude, how older women can reframe their stories, the importance of family, and the growth that can occur in older women’s lives.
Sylvia
Sylvia is the third of four main women the book uses to illustrate its themes. Sylvia, a retired paralegal in her sixties, lives in Austin, Texas, with her husband Lewis. Her parents were sharecroppers, and she worked hard to attain a middle-class lifestyle. She married Lewis when they were both young, and they have a daughter, Lenore, who has an addiction, so they are full-time caregivers for their grandchildren. Lenore attended several drug treatment programs without success, and Sylvia lost touch with her, causing her to worry about Lenore’s well-being. Sylvia and Lewis had difficulties in their marriage due to their daughter’s problems, and Sylvia considered divorce until she and Lewis needed to become guardians for their grandchildren. Sylvia’s story is an example of aging bodies that experience health problems, the importance of self-care and building a day around one’s needs, reframing one’s stories positively, having a spouse who shares a history and understanding of one’s life, appreciating grandchildren, and learning to feel bliss in ordinary moments.
Willow
Willow is the fourth main woman Pipher uses to illustrate the book’s themes. Willow is 72, lives in New York City, and worked for a nonprofit human services organization that aids people with mental health conditions, a career strongly linked to her identity. Her parents were Russian immigrants who raised her in an impoverished neighborhood, and many of her family members died in the Holocaust. She married young but divorced her husband when he wanted her to have children and stop working. She met and married Saul when they were in their fifties. Saul has Parkinson’s disease, and after his diagnosis, she worried that his condition would impact her career, but she felt she needed to provide his care, so she quit her job. Her story illustrates the role of older women in caregiving, dealing with aging bodies and health problems, having gratitude in the face of difficulties, adapting to new realities, creating a new story based on a new life situation, resilience, and finding strength through challenges.
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